am i a horrible and/or lazy mother…?
Posted on June 29, 2010 by Ed
please tell me i’m not the only one to feel like im doing everything horribly wrong, that things will get better. i have a 2 year old and a 3 week old, both girls. my 3 week old is fine. i feel in control, like im doing everything correct with her…with my 2 year old i feel misserable. i feel like she is bored out of her mind, all we do (unless we go to a friends house or go to church) is sit at home all day. i have nothing foe her to do to exert any energy or to keep her occupied. i try coloring books, reading books, singing songs, having her help me with laundry, cooking, cleaning, and dishes. but she seems so bored. it makes me feel like im being a lazy mother. And it doesnt help that my husband (and the father) works ALL DAY LONG! he has a full time and part time job and does wedding/event photography too so he is constantly busy. now when he is home he is wonderful (especially with the 2 year old, so she doesnt feel left out). i just feel that there is something i’m doing wrong. please, stay at home moms, i need advice on how to be really involved with both my children (and also keep the house in order). i do plan on going back to work (i will work at my childrens daycare) but that not for apx 2 months! also, i dont have a car so i cant drive anywhere. any advice is greatly appreciated.
Your not a bad mom, 2 yr olds can be very difficult to entertain and it doesnt help that that is a bad age for kids. Just keep doing what your doing and maybe get some non-toxic finger paint for her or some crafty things. Dont worry, you’ll get through it.
Discussion: 18 Comments
18 Responses to “am i a horrible and/or lazy mother…?”
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Dane C
- 29th Jun, 10 07:06am
I would say so.
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Christy
- 29th Jun, 10 08:06am
you sound like a great mom! can you go to a park or out for a walk sometimes? Or even take a trip to the mall and let the older one play.
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Mama Mia
- 29th Jun, 10 08:06am
Try going for walks together or going to the park, maybe u can get one of those slings for ur newborn so u have two extra hands to do things with ur 2 yr old.
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momof3
- 29th Jun, 10 09:06am
You are exhausted because you just had a baby not too long ago. It sounds like you are a great mother. You are involving her and that is great. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
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inostad
- 29th Jun, 10 09:06am
I would put her in Day care for a while every day that will give her social skills
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EVANS HERE YAY!!! WHAT A BIG GUY
- 29th Jun, 10 10:06am
Try going for a walk. She might feel left out cause you were her one and only mom and now she has to share you. ESPECIALLY if your breast feeding. She sees that bond. I understand you need to keep up with the house chores BUT think about what is important. Cleaning dishes or watching your child smile. So what if the dishes sit a day longer. Dont stress over it. My mom stressed all the time and the house had to be perfect and we had to entertain ourselfs and help her clean. it was not fun it was a lonely child hood cause we only had our yard to play cause she would not take us to the park and such (we lived on a rd with no children off a busy road) Roll aball with her or excersize with her. Do anything together make cookies and such let her help with dinner or other house chores but make it fun. When laundrey is folded make it like the post office let her sit in the basket and pretend to drive and drop of the cloths on the way. GL
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Nola
- 29th Jun, 10 11:06am
How about some "play dates" with other kids her age? Is the weather nice enough to go to the park where you live? Was she in daycare before the new baby? Maybe she misses the excitement and activity of daycare? I think you are just freaking out — every minute doesn’t need to be a scheduled enrichment activity. I’m sure she has a world of toys – kids need to learn how to entertain themselves sometimes. Relax a little.
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#1 baby harley due 6/20/09
- 29th Jun, 10 11:06am
um try to get her dress up clothes to play in or a kitchen set something new and fun to play with
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freckles_4
- 29th Jun, 10 12:06pm
You sound like a fabulous mother. There are mothers all over the world who don’t even care that their child might be bored. I think for not having a vehicle and being stuck in the house a lot, you try to occupy them all the time. Kids will have to learn to use their imaginations when they are bored. i have four boys and was in the same boat as you for a long time…I think all you really need to be doing, is what you are already are,considering your circumstances. You will feel better when you are back to work. Good luck to you.
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sapphire
- 29th Jun, 10 12:06pm
Your not a bad mom, 2 yr olds can be very difficult to entertain and it doesnt help that that is a bad age for kids. Just keep doing what your doing and maybe get some non-toxic finger paint for her or some crafty things. Dont worry, you’ll get through it.
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mom of 3
firefly10600
- 29th Jun, 10 12:06pm
you are not a horrible or lazy mother – a 2 year old does require a lot more stimulation than a newborn. the key is to find activities that will catch her attention. how about playdoh or bubbles? i even went as far as to bubble paint – i put the bubbles in an ice cube tray and added a drop of food coloring to each cube – then i gave my daughter the bubble wand and a blank piece of paper and showed her to blow toward the paper – when the bubbles hit it and pop, they make an awesome pattern. I have also filled a cake pan with beans and gave them a plastic shovel and a bowl… the kids played with this forever. Of course, there is stringing macaroni too. you could always take a short walk (depending on your climate) to get out of the house for awhile. then when you got back you could look through magazines for some of the things you saw on your walk (fire hydrants, trees, cars, houses etc.) and glue them to a piece of paper. I have also taken glasses and filled them with various levels of water and let the kids "play" music on them with spoons. They have a blast… There are a lot of ideas — just get creative.
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raising my 4 kids…
Just Mel
- 29th Jun, 10 12:06pm
I’m not a mom (yet), but you don’ t sound like a horrible mom at all! Maybe take the kids to the local library – our library’s kids section puts on plays every week. Go to the park or the zoo. Bake some cookies and let her help
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AgeofAquarius31
- 29th Jun, 10 01:06pm
Let the housework remain, until your husband is home, and can play with the kids… You’re only 3 weeks postpartum: give yourself a break.
As for your toddler, she’s going through a great change, with a new baby… She’s probably missing her mama, so make sure you give her lots of attention… At 3 weeks, your baby is fine to snuggle with you, but your toddler needs interaction.
Do you have any friends or relatives, nearby? Someone who has a toddler, who can play with your daughter? I’ve been through the baby and toddler (together) thing, two times, as my kids are 11, almost 10, almost 2, and 4 months, and I make sure the older one doesn’t feel he/she is being replaced… Good luck!
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Married, with 4 kids.
azul
- 29th Jun, 10 01:06pm
fun stuff 4 ur toddler 2 do and help u clean the house:put clean white socks on yourself and little miss thang and have a floor polish race…give her a basket and lay out ur veggies at hands reach 4 her and ask her 4 a specific one and have her bring it in the basket to help with lunch or supper!… see where i’m going with this? she’ll learn about motion, objects and food items all in good fun, plus help u 2 !!!
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average jane
- 29th Jun, 10 01:06pm
Funny you should ask, I just attended a class that talked about making a shcedule for you and your children to avoid this type of thing. Sounds like you have plenty of things for her to do, you just need to "strongly encourage" her to do them. For example, when you feed the baby, she have coloring time. When the baby naps, you two have game/ reading time together. Come up w/specific activies for her to do during different times of the day. Make sure she spends plenty of time outsdoors, too, for excesrcise, even if you have to bundle up. No, your not a bad mom. Toddlers don’t give you many pats on the back, but that doens’t mean she is bored.
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Jan
- 29th Jun, 10 02:06pm
It sounds to me like you are a good mommy. Maybe you could get a friend you know very well or Mom who could watch the twins. So you and 2 year old could spend time together. Like zoo, a playground, or go to the mall and take in a movie that she’d like. Take her to church.Do you have siblings who have little ones? If you do take the child to one of them So they could play together. I know it would be hard but you sound like your young and you will make it. They grow fast. Before you know it, you will be watching them graduate. So enjoy them, while you can. Hope I helped. Good luck.
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Yulinka
- 29th Jun, 10 02:06pm
You are simply doing your best…having a new baby in addition to a toddler asks for a lot of energy. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Your toddler have some adaptation to do also because of the newborn (she lost her place as the only child, etc..) so she may act different than before. You are not a lazy mom !
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Common sense
Cynical
- 29th Jun, 10 03:06pm
you sound like a good mom don’t be so down on yourself. it’s not that easy to entertain a 2 year old all the time especially when you have a new born. i am having the same problem with a lack of things to do because it is cold outside. until you either have a way to get around or the new baby gets a little bigger i think you will feel frustrated this way. you are doing the best you can and other then playing with her or trying to take her outside to play (if it’s not too cold) then i don’t think you should be so hard on yourself.
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